I had a bit of a wobble earlier this week. Now I've been sharing my work online for years. When I was in the day job I did this rather secretively (one of the reasons for being Mrs M - needed to be anonymous in case someone might get an idea that my job wasn't my sole focus in life). I recall being a little afraid when I first started sharing, but once I realised that my work really was being seen by one man and his dog, I stopped worrying.
Until this Tuesday morning (I'm writing this on Tuesday afternoon - the first draft of this at least!). With plans to share my new fabric designs tomorrow (that was Wednesday, I didn't delete that post - it's here) I had a complete crisis of confidence. I even tweeted about it, look (excuse the time/date - I think it thought I was in San Francisco or somewhere!)...
I went on to add that I'd be better off just doing some needlepoint (I have done a little - nearly finished!), reading my book and stepping away. The problem is that I really rather like my new fabrics - I think they're some of the best I've ever done. So I'm worried.
Also wondering where my sudden fear of sharing has come from. It may be that over the past few months I've realised that I am sharing with more and more people - not just my Mum and my best friend anymore - lots of people do seem to like my work (they're buying it and I'm pretty sure that's a good sign that they don't think it's rubbish!). I have heard the odd negative comment at fairs and markets (some people have no self awareness whatsoever but hey) but it's mostly all good.
I decided to revisit this mournful post from the spring to see how I feel about things now. So March wasn't good - it almost got to the point where I had to climb over the tumbleweed to get to my desk. Apart from a very quiet couple of months in the summer (which I blamed on Brexit, but I've routinely taken to blaming that for EVERYTHING so...) it's been a lot better.
I am still comparing myself constantly with everyone else's apparent successes (yes, I know but it's hard to stop - you know this too!) - but I no longer feel as though it's hopeless or I'm going to have to abandon my business, but seriously brain - why make me scared to share my work now?!
Contrary to the screen shot above I had a lot of love and comments after this self indulgent ramble of a tweet - most of which telling me not to be silly and that they also have these doubts. I had to ask myself if I'd be happier in my old job when I didn't have to worry about this sort of thing (I could feel the palpitations coming on immediately so knew the answer to that question!).
So, I shared. And at the time of writing I don't know if anyone liked my new fabrics at all. Or if I've received any orders (or if I ever will - but let's not be silly, I always do, so I will). And by writing this post I've given myself a proper kick up the bum and told myself not to be silly - just go on sharing. Most of the time people do like it, and if once in a while they don't, does it really matter?
If you feel a need to share your wobbles now please do! It might just make us both feel better!